Today's card is the Empress. I don't mean to make this into a thing. Where every post opens with what card I drew. But I've done it twice now so it's hard not to make it into a thing. And we don't need to talk about what that card is. What it means.
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| "The Empress" from Tarot of the Sweet Twilight |
Today's card is the Empress but my children aren't home. It's so quiet when they're not here. The energy is different. When they're here I have so many things I want to do that I can't because I have them to care for. So that leaves painting and writing to be squeezed into the in between times of them sleeping or eating or watching a movie. And even then they want my attention. Bed time cuddles or just a chat over what they had for lunch while they eat dinner that day.
But when they're not here I'm so tired. Sure I have all this extra time now. All these things I could be doing but I just want to nap. Just sleep for hours. And when I'm not sleeping I don't want to do anything at all. Just sit and play video games and eat pie.
They are my little double edged swords. They give me drive and energy. But they sap my energy and remind me that I don't have all the time in the world. But that's ok, I miss them. It's almost as if I've trained myself to only function when they're here. And all the time in the world means nothing because I feel like it's all wasted anyway. At least when they're here anything I do feels like an accomplishment.
But still I have things to do. I have food to buy and bills to figure out. Who's getting paid and who has to wait. And in the back of my mind I'm counting the days down until my girls come home.
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